I think I’ve fallen off track a little bit,
In regards to diet and dream passions.
I’m watching Interpol play a live show and two thoughts race through my head — first, I wonder and almost already know how indifferent such a large crowd probably feels. Are big shows really all that enjoyable? But who am I to judge — maybe it’s nice to just get out.
Next, I think about how I feel like I’m not living my real life. I want to be on a stage with mood red or blue lighting, losing myself in a 15 minute long song that invokes emotions you never knew you were capable of having yet even still, as I write this, I feel some hesitance. I did acid once at a small underground music festival and I was on one heck of a trip. I encountered a red leotard wearing punk girl who was dancing to sad piano music and I knew in that moment, that was all she had. Everyone had left her (she probably left them in actuality) but she was so obsessed with being the star lite of her own show that she had lost everything.
I feel such a strong sense of sadness when I play the synthesizer. I feel the richness of my life slip away into an electronic sound that is leading me on an artificial path of nothingness... Maybe it isn’t true and I’m just being dramatic but I like to believe I’m a pretty intuitive being, and there’s a reason why I’m feeling such a deep emotional reaction to such a simple movement. I’m sure I’m not the first person to have this dream and I’m certain I’m not the last.
I met a boy earlier this year, who inspires me with my whole heart. He reminds me of the most beautiful and wild coyotes of the wilderness and he can’t be tamed - he won’t let me do it...
it’s so hard to maintain this with all its purity in my mind -
My soul knows he is everything
Yet logic and reason taps at me each day
And it’s starting to shatter
w o w
It was such a powerful first impression
And I fear if I hold on, I’d be doing myself an injustice but
Maybe THAT is the actual illusion.
Why can’t it be that everything is exactly where it should be right now? Is this not the most beautiful thought ever? It’s putting me to tears.
I love my mom. I love our home. I love my wild never to be boyfriend. I love my desire to create. I love the people I know. I love the people I’ve yet to know. I love Interpol. I love being okay with not being Interpol. I love this present moment and everything about it. I love all of its potential and all that it is.
Alright, now on to diet haha
I ate a milkshake (which granted was HANDED TO ME THE MINUTE I WALKED IN TO WORK) Lol there was no avoiding that one and yes it was delicious
I ate discounted cupcakes that I bought of my own free will T____T
My moms friend baked cookies and I ate one of those
I BOUGHT a bag of Hershey kisses granted I haven’t eaten any thank god
I also had a small breakfast (that part is good)
and four tacos
So maybe it’s not all that awful
But I could have gone without the
- milkshake
- cookies
- cupcakes
But tis the holiday season
I’ll get back on track tomorrow :)
Oh my god Interpol gives me all the feels
Stella was a diver ughdkshsksjebnedh
I can’t even haha
Picture is from my old blog
Alright bye for now
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