Maybe I expect too much from life. Since we are all connected and we can only be as happy as the ones we care about that surround us. What happens if you are happy even when someone else is not? Will your happiness permeate and rise their state of being or will you come across as a selfish, careless soul who places your own stance above that of others? I'm sure there is a happy medium between the two and also a time and a place for either. But what about when we are alone? In solitude? Sometimes I feel the souls of the people I care about. I can feel if they are in harmony with me or if something is in dissonance.
Anyway, I drew some tarot cards earlier today and they basically told me to be bold and more light hearted and less in my head, so maybe I am overthinking it all.
Remixed a Bach song a few hours earlier! What do you think?
Ruffles.. I dream of fabric being sewn into elegant ruffles... maybe I'll make a babydoll today, though I do have some editing to attend to...
If all goes to plan, I should be jamming with Julie this week! And going to the grand reopening of Amoeba with Kevin!
i've been meaning to make this plunge for a while now, and let me tell ya, my ass cheeks are thankful
what's new?
realized how much i miss so much today
and finally saw my family over facetime in forever
time fo dat vaccine
if i can find a place ...
what else?
eh. drew a bit here and there. found a cute dress on the clearance section of urban.
installed a MOTHOF)))KIN chair. there was a review on this chair that said it made someone remember their sailor cursing days after installing it lol
it. was. tuff. let me tell you lol
but alas, here we are all cozied in.
i see an image in my head .. of photography of the woods, overlayed with a neon yellow highlighter effect... of... anime drawings?
what's the difference between an adobe plan and a cult? no clue. i mean they're both taking our money now aren't they
blarghhghghghghghg
it's hard to explain how scatter brained i am at the moment
kbye!!!
Tuesday, March 16, 2021
my dream last night was one to write in the books..... i was this narcissistical character who didn't care about anything other than grabbing everyone's attention while letting some dramatic scene unfold (that problem hurt some people's feelings!). basically what happened was that i had come to an event with a close lover, but halfway through the event, i had bumped into a past lover - and in this dream, the reason why things ended between us was because we were much too long distance (in reality, this person was just not such a good person, but i digress...) anyway, in this dream he came across SO charming, SO cute, and SO attractive that I was falling right into his arms, and then I remembered that I had already come to the event with someone else but by then it was too late. everyone was looking at me and saw the panic in my eyes, and someone in the dream audience knew what was going on before i even said a word. the funniest part was that the mother of the new guy was there and she was emotional and sobbing in support for our connection. anyway, the guy that i went to the event with was hurt and left. i woke up feeling.... confused and annoyed with my dream self.
anyway!! worked on the comic a bit more! that's what these next two images are. I did this while eating some broccoli soup and mm mm mmm i've got to learn how to make that myself! if last week was all about salads, maybe this week will be all about soups.
feelings are such fleeting things, or maybe, it’s better to say that thoughts are fleeting. there has to be a divide between thoughts of my choice, and evil external forces. you hold no power over me and anything that is forced will crumble anyway! <3
back to my thoughts!
i’ve been on such a good health track lately! (well, not as of most recent lately lol which is why i am here now writing this blogpost so i can get myself back in the mindset of being on a good track)
i’m so grateful to be surrounded for the most part by people who are healthy. by people who are conscious of the foods they put into their body and of how much sunlight they absorb and how often they go on hikes and walks
i lost my good habits over the weekend. it’s okay because i turned thirty and that’s a big deal and it was the right time to be a bit more indulgent than usual, but now i am back to the normal routine and i want to get my thoughts in order.
when i wake up in the morning, i’d like to still attempt to try to reach 100 sit-ups. i can do 50 now! that is a big feat from the absolute limit of 33 i had before.
i think i should start with some mild warm ups and stretches. from there, i should do 30 jumping jacks. from there, i will do the 50 sit-ups (reserving 100 for some showy day where i do it for the sake of doing it rather than putting it into the morning routine) and I also really enjoying doing scissor sit up things! i don’t know what they’re called. you lay flat on your back and alternate raising your left and your right leg as they are straightened out.
i’m working on a painting right now, and i have this fear that i’ll never make anything i like this much again! but that’s just a fear.. it appeared one day so i’m sure another one will appear another day too.
i don’t want to be so hard on myself when it comes to visual arts. but maybe i should be more hard on myself when it comes to my trashy synth pop idea! which reminds me i have a song i’m working on riiiight nowww…
kevin and i made a fire in my backyard! i cooked us some potatoes on it and dayummm they were gooood.
recipe: wrap a raw potato in foil, and slice into thin circles almost entirely while leaving it connected. add olive oil, salt, smoked paprika, pepper, and dry onion flakes. heat up for ‘bout an hour. enjoy!
okay what else?
i think that’s it for now! the goal is to continue focusing on staying fit, eating healthy, writing trashy synth pop, and maybe more backyard camping with my lover if he’s down hehe
Sunday, March 14, 2021
so we're reigning in thirty with a bang!
currently seated in my backyard with a fire goin and smoke kinda blazin threw my eyes haha
earlier today i crossed some rocks and there were lil crab friends hiding inside!
we made s'mores and cajun seasoned sausages!
i'm a happy camper, quite literally
also kevinjust pecked me hehehe
you guysss, i'm losin it!
if i told you the obscure thoughts ive had as of recent.... well first off, you'd probably be disinterested lol but secondly you'd probably be confused / weirded out / and might even laugh lol
(( also disclaimer because words are such evil monsters, 'i'm losin it' in my world is so far from the stereotypical things that are popping into your mind, so don't ' w o r r y ' because my insanity is all in good fun ))
okay first point of madness : a couple of years ago, i bought a print of a painting from a good friend of mine and it's of a mystical looking beast animal thing... last week, as i was fornicating with my lover, i noticed he took a stance that looked SO COOL, but also very beastlike. it's been an entire week and i just realized right now that I subconsciously thought he looked like the beast from the painting! *important* you are witnesses my first thoughts into the realm of becoming a furry hahaha no just kidding, but I have been fantasizing lately about a new persona with me and my lover! i'm wearing a baby pink wig and cat ears and he has dark black hair and blue/black fox ears (also a tank top, and spiky studded necklace!) we play trashy synth pop and sit back to back looking broody and moody and whatnot. also! just googled the word 'broody'... i always thought it just meant like gloomy, but apparently it also means wanting to have babies like hens laying eggs but oh god no that's not the one I was trying to say!!!! lowkey, there's an off chance that i might just want to live in my adolescent fantasy world forever and i fear society would want to judge me for that (well, maybe not society, but at least my mom lol)
ANYWAY! i've started not one, not two, but THREE trashy synth pop songs!! YAAY!
now to sit down, focus, and finish them
also, the lyrics are quite nonsensical but in a thoughtless way so i might have to rethink some of those...
with golden phrases such as
"electric bicycle,
riding down the yellow brick road
we had a hard time
'cause no one showed us the way
toxic forums sent us soarin
hiding in our text emojis
three out of fives alright
when you're floating away
see you later alligator
'cause you know i might have
made a mistake
mistake
mistake
mistake
mistake
take
take
take
ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta"
at least constellation love has it goin
"constellation love
you must be something sent from above
did i get here too late?
i thought i heard you once
but i never saw your face
i turn my head
and everything else was gone
the words exchanged
brought on by constellation love"
and the newest one which probably needs the most work
so far says
"hiding in my room
crawling next to me
they're calling you
did you see the moon
falling underneath
i thought of you
never wanna haunt me
never wanna hurt you
i never want to hurt you
never run away and find a way
to make a stand"
like, these words are placeholders with the right amount of syllables. that's all they are right now...... hopefully the lyrics will come to me later today. i'll work on them
this blog has some really cool gifs. couldn't figure out how to post the gif so here is a still. link to blog: https://peco-pech.tumblr.com/
how would you feel if your partner " commanded " you to do 100 situps? I use the word " command " in quotations because it's less so of a command and more so a carrying out of a request that was originally brought up by yours truly. Here's the thing, I have never had abs. Here's also the thing, I have always wanted abs!! nothing too insane, just like a mild toning. I want my body to look like what I imagine a body should look like in my mind (and yes all body types are beautiful, but on the opposite end of things, I don't think there should be anything wrong with setting goals for ourselves either!) to answer that first question, I'm excited. I've never had anyone in my life push me in a physically positive direction. if anything, i've been taught that food is love (which i'm sure it is!! i just want to try a different way of living for now and see if i can look the way i want to be!)
so I'm sitting here eating a kale, red onion, cherry tomato, dill, blueberry caeser salad sippin on some iced coffee listening to some elevator jazz while writing a blog post, and maybe it's the spirit of the re-opening of the restaurant that I work at, but I am in high spirits to say the least. I know i probably sound like a broken record, but I think it's important to remember and reiterate that there is SO MUCH that I am grateful for. I am grateful for a loving mother, amazing managers and coworkers, friendly spirits and passerbys, access to healthy food, a roof over my head, a fucking computer to type on... like I just want it to be known that NONE of this is taken for granted, not even for a second. much love to the universe and everything within it <3 <3 <3
okay so I just got back from a three day trip to San Diego! here's a flikr album of some photos i took along the way! (the dark pics at the end are my first stab at ASTRAL PHOTOGRAPHY! :D) the camera picked up more stars than I saw with my naked eyeeee. cool stuff!!
alright what elseeee
i've decided i'm going to embrace W R I T I N G
poetry, lyrics, short stories, novels
whatever it is!
I think what's so exciting about this next piece of writing i'm about to share with you is that even I, the "author", do not know where the story is going to go next. sure, i've got same abstract ideas of what could be pleasant directions, but the details are built on the spot, and i hope to make this a routine practice of mine. there's no editing involved yet, so read with a grain of salt. now without further ado, CARRY ON! <3
"we live in a town where the four seasons are made very apparent in a perfect crosshair.is it strange? yes. do we ever question it? not so much anymore. sure, there is the crosshatch lab corp but our average citizen has just come to accept that this is just the way it has always been, and to be honest, it's quite beautiful so most would say, just let it be.my school's campus is on the east side of town, which is our snowy region. Yes, there is a campus on the spring side (heck, now that I think of it, even a smaller one on the summer side) but I decided to study at crosshair's school of art, specifically in their field of fashion design.
I always saw these stunning runway shows growing up and it felt as if they all came from some fantasy land where only the most obscure and beautiful things from your dreams could exist. Anyway, right now I am riding our metro to our dorm rooms. Class starts tomorrow and they've given us a day to settle in our new homes. [[hide them in your dorm]] Show her holding on to the top hand rail looking out the window. It's a tall train with a great view of the entire campus (which looks like a castle!). The train should be somewhat crowded with mostly students but maybe some professors with their noses in a newspaper as well. There is a group of batwing goth kids with cat ears and punk goth clothing. There are ordinary students conversing in the seats. But the main focus is looking at our main girl who has a window view, looking away from the packed subway. The subway began clearing out, but our girl still hadn't reached her stop. I guess most students live at the lower level dorms... she looked around and she was the only one. But she was in awe of the view as the metro was going higher and higher into a snowy forest mountain. Until finally at the top of a hill stood a two story almost cabin like structure. "Final stop!" yelled the train driver. "Ah! I guess that's me!" She grabbed her briefcase and headed out the door. "Orchid Owl House" "hmm interesting name.." She put her briefcase down and decided to knock. The doorknob was shaped like an owl. "Hello! Anybody home?" She yelled. She waited for a few moments but since there was no response, she decided to walk in. "Ah, door's open" "hello!! Anybody in here?" No answer. "Ah, there's a note on the coffee table!" "Welcome to Orchid Owl. Please select a room upstairs and make yourselves comfortable. We have some chili stewing in the slowcooker, as well as board games and a television set up." "Oh, how generous. They must have realized we'd be too far to go back into town this first night. Alright, I'll come back down for all this, but first, let me go see the rooms!!" She walked up the stairs and saw one room to her right, and a hallway to her left. The hallway had rooms on either sides. "Ah, first pick! Lucky me! Let me see what's down this hallway." "Oh wow, this one has a circle window! How dreamy!! Hmm it's a little smaller than the other two but I'm kind of in love with this view so this will have to be the one." She plopped her backpack on the bed and began sorting through her belongings. "Ahh it feels so good to take this backpack off! My books are so heavy T___T;" "hello!" She heard a young man's voice in the distance. "hey!! I'm up here!" He started walking up the stairs. "Oh wow, it's co-Ed! I wonder who my roommates will be! Ah I'm probably being rude, I should go greet him. "Hey!" "Hey!" "Are you my new roommate?" "Yup, just got here a few minutes ago actually!" "Oh amazing, well it's nice to meet you, my name is Sail." "Nice to meet you, Sail. I am --" "Hello!! Anybody home??" A lively female voice entered from downstairs. "Hey, yeah! We're up here!" I yelled. "And another arrives" Sail popped his head in the room across from me "oh wow, this room has two beds!" "Hey everyone!!" She was dressed in Kawaii red strawberries. Her aura was warm and cute! "my name is santa" "it's a pleasure to meet you, santa" I bowed. Sail wandered back out of the room "nice to meet you, my name is sail" sail bowed. "heyy!" "eh, here's comes our last roommate!" "we're up here!" sail yelled. "okay! coming!" she sounded young. "Ahh! Can someone help me??" we headed towards the stairs. sail ran down to help her "oh wow! that luggage is almost bigger than you!" hahah he carried it up the staircase for her. sail had pail hair and lots of piercings. so there's the cute Kawaii curly pink hair, there's the small punk guy, and there's "my name is snake" "snake? like the animal?" "yeah.. it's a long story" she kind of looks away. she has long straight black hair with straight bangs. at first glance you might think she is wearing an ordinary school uniform, but she had altered it with many little black bows, lace trims, and subtle goth embellishments. Sail sonata and sunset"
