Would you like to learn how to drive someone mad?
Put a litter of mosquitos in every room of their home! Bonus features: a whistling sound that stays latent in the back of your mind, even when there aren't any mosquitos around. PSYCH! That was actually just another mosquito.
By the way, the R button barely works on this keyboard. It feels like any little, miniscule thing that could be wrong, is just wrong.
My "boyfriend", if I'm allowed to call him that, is going through a crisis -- a very relatable one where he isn't quite sure what to be focusing his energy on. We must be connected to some degree because I feel the same way. I have time on my hands. I just feel so alone? I mean, Ralphie was so affectionate last night, as well as Jelly. They both sense I love them so much. I need to extend that vibrational frequency to everyone around me.
I was explaining how some 16 year olds were commenting on how my job at the tennis shop front desk is so simple, it looks like we're just looking at our phone. He thought at my age, that was pathetic. I don't disagree with him. My paychecks are so small, my bank account reached $13 the other day. I applied to a cafe in Malibu, but I never heard back... Maybe that commute would have gotten to me, full time. Or maybe it was the mindless, scenic drive I needed each day. I'm grateful. I'm very grateful for how peaceful things have been. Maybe I don't need to be making more money. There's not much being asked of me. And when I start working full time, I will be making a bit more at least.
I like the people. There are a lot more kids than I imagined there would be, but they're cute too.
But wow, what life would be like if I was independent. I hate how people try to impose on my time to myself. I'm learning to mute people.
These mosquitos symbolize taking too much time for myself, but also, how else am I ever going to figure things out?
I was putting my attention on guys. That's not getting me anywhere. They say you should focus on a career. I'm not willing to drive on the 405. Plus, who's to say all these people with entry level jobs are happy anyway?
I want peace. Space. Mental clarity.
They say you grow when you surround yourself with like minded people. I'm living with an older woman who doesn't believe in friendship, higher education, has the eyes of a child when it comes to business, and maybe we can laugh time away, but my finances are mixed in and i'm basically glued to the san fernando valley without anyone willing to take any leaps with me, as in A GUY not a fucking mother. It's just so frustrating, and I probably come off as ungrateful for even thinking. and then we wonder why everyone's so jaded. and this MOSQUITO does not quit it. I am in a living hell. That God guy never existed anyway.
So back to my point. In what direction does this LONE individual put their energy toward? I'm good at.... basically nothing. I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night due to the mosquitos. I don't like most people. I kind of only like Kevin and he told me he needs space for spiritual growth.
I just want to cry out of frustration. I'm sure i'm going about this all wrong. Maybe I should be spending my time making TikToks or practicing metal guitar. It's too hot for hiking. I think that's what's bothering me the most. And i'm starting to forget how much everyone bothers me. I can't forget that without time to myself, I don't feel at peace.
But Sharkfin is nibbling at corn and it's kind of the cutest thing.
Right, so I'm slowy starting to remember. Nothing has ever worked for me. I usually just focus on what to put out there. I think I'll start with some yoga. Move on to dumbbells. and read some manga outside, and I'll repeat this cycle until Kevin wants to get a house in Orange County and have a Nemi with me.
