starry desert

 

I just teared up at the sight of a monarch butterfly on a pine tree.

Walking over, I couldn't understand why I felt so low and heavy. I've always felt that my feelings were not mine alone -- but rather the feelings of everyone at the time. As I was thinking, I won't always feel

 this way, the butterfly flew past as if symbolizing itself as a reminder that tomorrow will always be a better day. 

I often feel guilty when I want to spend time alone. These days, it's been a little difficult to enjoy it even. I've been feeling slighted in my relationship. And I've been feeling pulled by work and maybe even my home life. As I'm sitting here, I wonder if Horticulture has a future for me. What kinds of classes could I take and where would it take me? I also want to express gratitude for the people in my life, for while I know my instinct is to almost always run and push everyone away, at the end of the day, I'm beyond grateful they're there. I guess I have a hard time being able to find my own emotions amongst the company of others. It's less so with Kevin which is why I've latched myself so close to him, but even he has his darker sex obsessed agendas... ah I'm a mess. Now I'm almost at tears at the mentioning of his name.... 

"oh my gawd, they're so good today!" the pretend voice explaining how amazing the pretend treats are..... lol 

Fitness and Nature might be my main jams these days! 

and as much as I try to deny it, winding down is partaken with a lot of Reddit, youtube, and comforting meals and drinks. 

I almost didn't sit here because there is a beehive in pretty close approximity to me right now, but I'm almost certain this bench was *made* for me. A petite sized bar length picnic bench. 10/10 Pierce college! great design. 

Alright, now to take the stairs to work on that butt o' mine!